Being at Home with your Coach
Have you stepped into someone’s home and it just ‘feels like home’ as soon as you walk in?
It’s welcoming, it’s warm, it has soul, it’s fascinating, it just feels AUTHENTIC; making you feel relaxed.
Being authentic appears to be the ‘vogue’ word at the moment, as many of us are now seeing the REAL importance of its meaning, more than ever before.
So what makes a home authentic?
For me, it’s when everything in that home has a story behind it. Everything from the display ornaments, the pictures on walls, the books on the shelves, all serve a purpose and have a unique story or message. It’s not necessarily perfectly placed or pristine, but it’s INTENTIONAL. This makes it all the more beautiful, in its own unique way.
Being beautiful doesn’t have to be so called “perfect”, symmetrical or the most expensive or grand. It may not even be to your taste, but there is a quality that you love, and you certainly appreciate it.
The Japanese have the concept of ‘Wabi Sabi’ which to me, epitomises authenticity and beauty together. It is a view centred on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. Appreciating that beauty is ‘imperfect, impermanent and incomplete’.
“Wabi” is said to be defined as ‘rustic simplicity’ or ‘understated elegance’ with a focus on a less-is-more mentality.
“Sabi” is translated into ‘taking pleasure in the imperfect’.
The timeless wisdom of wabi-sabi is more relevant now during this covid pandemic, as people search for or have found meaning and fulfilment beyond materialism. Wabi-sabi is like minimalism with a conscious choice.
On the other side of the spectrum, you can step into another home. Everything does look traditionally beautiful, it’s all wonderfully placed, it’s pristine, all very well thought out, it even matches. Maybe it’s lavish and grand. It's all very expensive and you could even say it all looks “perfect”.
However, you can’t put your finger on it. It just doesn’t feel like home. It may feel cold. It lacks soul or originality. You simply can’t relax in that space. It ticks all the right boxes on paper, but it just doesn’t feel right to you.
To me, the piece that is missing, is the authenticity and soul of that home. What’s the REAL story? Were the pieces of furniture, books and ornaments chosen because it simply “looks good”. It matches everything else, it’s on trend, it fills a space, it’s great for the “gram”. What’s the intention behind each choice….?
The year 2020 has certainly focussed my attention on why we possess material things. What is the root BEHIND each of our purchases?
A quote mentioned in Jay Shetty’s latest book, ‘Think Like a Monk’, he discusses the quote by American Sociologist in the 1800s, by Charles Horton Cooley:
“I’m not, what I think I am.
I’m not, what you think I am.
I am, what I think, you think, I am.”
— Charles Horton Cooley
Go on, read it again, take it in.
Put simply, sometimes we make choices and pursue things because we believe other people value them or will be impressed by. Are we actually doing it for ourselves so WE FEEL good or rather for extrinsic validation?
This is the same thing with the choices we make; the people we surround ourselves with, our choice of friends, how we fill our time, who we follow on social media, are all conscious choices. When we are procrastinating or standing still, that too, is still a choice.
When we choose our friends, who we partner with, coach with, simply for ourselves, and not for the sake of looking good to others, that’s when we truly connect with someone. Why? They may have been through a similar story. It’s unpretentious, they are relatable, there is an immediate trust, they show some of their vulnerability, they bring up their own imperfections; that’s when connection is truly built. It’s where we feel most at home, the connection carries meaning, and it’s when we can truly be ourselves.
Do you relate?
Your story, your heartbreak, your loss, your mistakes, are what make up who you who you are today. You are certainly “not perfect”, but that’s what makes you beautiful inside and out. It is these cracks that let the light in, that something special emerges. You are your own “Wabi-Sabi”.
It’s the same when choosing the right coach for you. When you think on paper you know the coach that is right for you, they have the right credentials, they have an amazing history, a slick website and LinkedIn profile, but you just don’t feel connected with them. It’s not the space you feel or see yourself in. You’re not quite showing who you really are, then that’s not your coach.
However, when you do find a coach and you simply show up with who YOU REALLY are, you have found your coach. Your relationship feels safe and right for you. Just like a home- it may not be perfect, it can be messy at times, but it feels JUST RIGHT.
Your coach may not be your best friend, they may get you to do things that’s outside of your comfort zone, but it’s all with the right intention to bring the best out in the REAL, AUTHENTIC you. This is what makes your relationship with your own coach unique and special. It’s when it feels like home.
So, how at home do you feel right now?
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